we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
