No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
