dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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