i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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