did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
