he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
