You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I think people are normalizing furries
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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