I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
