Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
i've created a new STD.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
