i permit you to call me
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
