Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize