I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
