we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
