Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
