Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Randomize
