Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
