if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
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