even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
