I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
