i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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