We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
