Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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