shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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