I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize