i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
