Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Randomize
