It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
