I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
