he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
