um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
