Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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