Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
