Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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