sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
