a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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