Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize