Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
