Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
