I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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