Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
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