He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
