D3 body, D1 cock
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
