I wish I could teleport
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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