Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
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