My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
