im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
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