Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Randomize
