omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
