Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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