how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
