We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
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