Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
