Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
