Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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