I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
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