dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
