We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
