Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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