I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
