i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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