Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
