I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
