Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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