when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Ladies don't puke and tell
Randomize
